As promised, here we are again. Tonight, I happen to be deep into a viewpoint of sadness because I had a strenuous day and I am separated from my beloved. As I sit with this state, I begin to trace it back inside me - not to any logical origin, but to its felt essence. That essence has a presence, kind of like the crying facet of a jewel which is me.
And the jewel shines! Really, the crying facet is simply a mask on a neutral, luminescent beingness which resonates within a field of light which is simple identity.
If you have done the experiment suggested yesterday, you probably have an inkling or knowledge of what is being said. Otherwise, I'm sure this will seem like sheer lunacy.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this, especially if you are in the latter category. It's just a fun experiment, after all!
That is a beautiful photo of someone I remember well. So much of my identity is tied to Oberlin and has more to do with the greatness of that community than it has to do with me. I sent my ex wife Karen a bit from my wirtings - talking about Dave Dellinger and Gandhi vs. those like Abbe Hoffman and Jerry Rubin who have a bit more stone throwing than flower throwing in their attitudes than the other two. My ex responded by saying she is glad I'm writing my memoir because it means she doesn't have to write hers. A good bit of Oberlin's essence floats into my world now than I'm connected to facebook and it's spawn. Steven Lord is conducting Tales of Hoffman in New Mexico. He commented to Karen that they should have played more four handed music when in College. He's right too.
ReplyDeleteKaren played piano at a par with the best of them, if my contribution to her was merely that of page turner. I remember she and her piano teacher played Petite Suite by Debussy, and it was all I could do to count cut-time really fast - one and two and one and two, and to wait for a nod. If our marriage wasn't one that lasted long, it was still memorable. Perhaps I wasn't ambitious enough. Today I was looking up the subject of adoption and got on a tangent about nature and nurture and read comment of kindred spirits who have had issues about the facts of being raised by surrogates and how many of us feel like the ugly duckling, actually swans being raised by ducks who think, correctly that we are not of the same ilk.
The bottom line for today is that one has to do the best with what one has got. The separations in life are sometimes trying but that better part of what we share with the rare type of people who we know stays with us and helps us see more than we might have without those relationships.
ReplyDeleteSometimes differences outweigh the things that make for a permanent amalgamation. I'm grateful that I can still communicate with Karen who in my writings goes by a different diminutive that she of knows if not the public. When we separated, I remember telling a sympathetic friend who ran our local natural foods store when Karen and her next mate had relocated not so far away, "Don't think about my loss, just figure you'll have a new customer."
In the end, as I heard a guy on PBS' report on how the Greeks are handling their terrible financial crisis. We don't put as much emphasis on material wealth and how many houses we own as you do in America, because we know we will all end up a meter and a half down in the earth at the end.
Well, Nick, Elly and I really were separated after 15 years of marriage, for 26 years. We got back together a few years ago, both having had other long marriages, and were re-married last summer. So the separation I mention here is simply an ongoing temporary absence, since I still have to tend to a business and a home in Crestone, and she has her psychotherapy practice in Boulder, 200 miles away. So we go back and forth, being together only about 1/3 of the time. We're trying to solve that one, but it is still a persistent annoyance.
ReplyDeleteI figured it may well be a temporary separation, reading between your lines, but there is some relevance in the tangent that I felt compelled to to go on if Karen and I only started communicating recently.
ReplyDeleteSome people have that sort of influence that they live inside us whether here there or anywhere.
Our reunion began when her spouse requested archival photos, saying that she felt something missing. They sent me a number of scans and he's a great fellow himself I have learned. They have a full life with children and grandchildren now.
I don't, so I can vicariously enjoy them as part of my extended family.
A temporary separation is much better.
I remember the two of you at Noah Hall once upon a time and what good vibes you gave to all of us when you were new, so to speak.
200 hundred miles is a long way to go one way, and then to face a return trip. You live in such a beautiful part of the world I'd like to think it is a pleasant trip and the car has a good sound system. Forgive me for my compulsion to spiel from my very subjective point of view.
If my memory of Shakespeare is accurate, I recall Mark Antony's speech that suggested that Caesar's detractors made him into a pin cushion for being too ambitious. It's good to be modest and have low expectations some of the time. It's less likely we'll bite off more than we can chew.
I'm tickled that you split and returned to each other and not surprised. Boulder is lucky to have Elly, considering the distance from home.
My love to both of you!